SG155 - When You Don’t Know What to Write, Start Anyway
I’m writing this because right now I’m struggling with direction.
I’m telling myself a story, here’s what it sounds like:
“I don’t have a clear North Star pulling me towards it, and because of this, my days are drifting by without clear progress.”
Smells like BS to me.
I do know what I want to create, yet for some reason, let’s call it fear, I’m not creating it.
I want to write my next book, but I’ve been making excuses.
First, it was that I needed to focus on my business, keep the income flowing. I was telling myself I didn’t have time to be distracted.
Then, it was that I didn’t have capacity because my board roles were taking up a significant proportion of my time.
Then, it was that I wasn’t clear about what the book was going to be about. I hadn’t yet identified the framework I wanted to centre the book around.
The truth is, I love to write. It helps me process my thoughts, process my day. It’s how I connect with myself and identify what’s true for me.
Through writing my weekly blogs (not on Substack) and responding to reflection-focused journal prompts, I get to be honest with myself, really honest.
I often acknowledge in written form what I don’t say out loud.
Writing is my truth activator. It reminds me who I am, and what’s getting in the way of where I want to go.
Yet for some reason, likely fear again, I’m consistently choosing to sever my connection to the future I want by not writing.
I journal every single day, yet instead of focusing on my future and the gains I’m making towards it, I’m giving my attention to my gaps and all the ways I abandon myself.
This week I received a message from someone I worked with over 20 years ago. She read the book I wrote 5 years ago, Unstoppable Woman. She gave it a 10/10. It was clearly her time to read it, and the message resonated with her.
Unstoppable Woman - I wrote a book about being her. And I look back, and I see the courage I had to write that book and what I allowed myself to share in service of truth.
I know, 5 years on, this next book is asking me to go deeper. To write without performance. To get under the hood of what it takes to remember our own voice.
Whether your truth is accessed through the spoken word, the written word, or the silent inner dialogue you have with yourself, it’s important to hear what it’s saying.
I’m learning that my perfectionism holds me back. I’m learning that I’m overly attached to the expectations of what my creative writing journey should look and feel like.
I’m learning that I’m avoiding doing the one thing that brings me home to myself because I’ve gotten used to searching for a home outside of myself.
My mind has spent its entire life trying to ‘figure’ things out. Yet my body just needs me to respond to my vision and start to write.
The only question I need to answer each day once I start writing is this: do I have energy for this today?
Sometimes, the answer will be no. But I’ll only know this once I start and give myself a chance to get moving.
I’m seeing that it’s like the Park Run I try to participate in most weeks. Sometimes I get started running and I know I have a shot at running the 5km without stopping. Other times, my body is telling me, No, go gently, stop if you have to.
I also know that consistency is everything. Just like with running, if I don’t show up every week, my capability diminishes. I’ve run half-marathon distances without stopping, but these days 5kms seem to be a challenge!
So, I know my next book won’t ever be written if I don’t show up for it consistently and do the work.
If I stop myself starting, it’s because my mind is telling me it doesn’t know exactly what I need to write. If I listen to my mind, I know I’ve let myself down before I’ve even started.
It’s why I’m here. I didn’t know what to write, so I decided the first step was to show up and just begin.
To allow whatever needed to come through to come through, and check how my body responded. Do I have energy for this today?
I’ve just gotten to the end of this post, and the evidence tells me the answer is yes.
I feel plugged in again.
My energy is being replenished. And I know what to do.
Thanks for holding space for me as I activated my truth again.
Hopefully, in some small way, it’s activated yours too.
