SG153 - What If I Don’t Know?

Losing your mind might be how you find your heart.

I think I’m losing my mind.
Sometimes I wonder if that’s what’s needed, to become the version of me I’m still hesitating to step into.

The version that writes, creates, and shares, not for applause, not for purpose, but simply because it feels like breathing.

When I gave myself full permission to be all of myself, I didn’t realise how hard it would be.

Being all of myself means I’m no longer fixed to an identity that’s easy to offer up at a networking event when someone asks, “So, what do you do?”

I crave a different question…
Who are you being?
Who are you becoming?

Conversations born from deep curiosity are the ones that feed my soul.

I’ve been trying to figure out my positioning now that I’ve embraced being SimplyGlin, the merging of my business and my self.
And fear is kicking in.

What if people don’t understand what I do?
What if they think I’m unreliable because I’ve shape-shifted over the years?
What if they don’t know what to come to me for?

Nayla, my ego, sees the cracks in my courage and whispers:
“Don’t fuck it up.”

Choosing myself feels, to her, like a fast track to self-sabotage.
She’s used to people-pleasing. To being the good girl.
To the safety of a corporate identity that kept me predictable, presentable, and protected.

But when will I be free?

When will I let the cards fall where they may -
and allow what’s meant for me to find me?

When will I get out of my own way?

I know following the “shoulds” isn’t my path.
I know I’m being called somewhere deeper.

I feel it - but I don’t see it.

And that terrifies me.

I want to figure it out.
To know.
To define.
To be certain.

But I don’t.
And maybe that’s the point.

I’ve spent a lifetime listening to my mind.
Rarely my body.
Never my intuition.

I don’t know how to trust myself in the not knowing.

To sit.
To be.
To not solve - just be.

Be me.
All of me.
Messy. Imperfect. Becoming.

But becoming assumes I know what I’m becoming.

What if I don’t?
What if I need to let go - and let surrender lead?

I’m scared.
But I’m choosing.
Choosing myself.
Truly, for the first time.

Not to be seen.
Not to be right.
But to be me.

Without the noise.
Without the voices.
Without Nayla’s warnings.

I’m choosing the silence.
The stillness.
The space where my heart can speak.

It knows the way.
I just need to let it show me.

So I’m letting go.
And wondering…

Will you look out for me as I fall?
My ego says I’m on my own.
But I hope my heart hears me.